A few years ago, I got a tattoo on my forearm. When the artist placed the transfer on my skin, I saw the lettering was actually larger than I had envisioned. I asked her to go ahead and create the tattoo… it was a personal statement I wanted, NEEDED to make, so having it even more obvious than I had originally intended was, to me, a great idea, and one that I have not regretted for even a second.
The tattoo, as you can see, says “Warrior”. There it is, in all its glory.
I’ve been asked time and time again, “What does it MEAN?” At first, I didn’t want to share what it meant to me, so I would simply reply “It’s personal”. Not a satisfying response, I know. It was, in fact, met with a great deal of eye-rolling, and “FINE, don’t tell me then”. So then I modified the reply, reframing it with humour to mask the discomfort of being asked to share my feelings. Yes, I know it’s on my body for the world to see…. I know! But still… when asked the GREAT QUESTION, I would reply, “It means I don’t take any shit from anyone” (which is not a lie), everyone would nod emphatically, we would all have a good laugh, and then we would get on with our day peacefully.
I am here to admit that this statement I chose to permanently display on my body actually means a lot more than just that. It is my personal truth, and a daily reminder of the potential that I, along with every single woman on the planet, can live up to this statement. This truth. I believe this is who we are.
I had just gone through a break-up. Not just your typical “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I’m just not that into you” sort of break-up where you ugly-cry for a couple of days, have fleeting thoughts about where you went wrong, then go dancing one night with your girlfriends and by the time you get home, you’re basically over it, or at least well on your way. This one caught me off guard. It crushed my soul. It ripped my guts out. I did not see it coming. I was in a dark, bottomless, teary pit for a good part of two months. My friends, bless their hearts, tried so hard to distract me. What they, nor I, realized, was that no road trip, or amount of ice cream, or drinking into oblivion, was going to get me out that pit. I was going to have to climb out myself.
(I think it is worth noting that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form, suggesting you go out and get a tattoo when you get your heart broken…. This is just how this particular chapter in my story began for me.)
I can’t remember how I came across this particular book, but I’m thanking my lucky stars that I did. It is called Warrior Goddess Training: Become the Woman you are Meant to Be. I’m going to try to not spoil it for you too much, as I think it is a book worth exploring for yourself (Hint: it’s worth it!), but what I will tell you is that this book contained ten lessons that resonated so deeply with me, I had the book finished within just a couple of days. I could not put it down. Each lesson presented me with a challenge that I found was already rearing its head in my daily life, I just hadn’t paid attention.
The first lesson, which was the most powerful to me, given my situation at the time, was “Commit to Yourself”. Sounds straight-forward, right? It wasn’t to me. I’ve always been really good at committing to relationships (friendship as well as intimate), to my family, to my job, and to causes I believed in. Commit too myself? Isn’t that selfish?
It really isn’t.
Becoming your own best friend may seem awkward, or foreign, or as mentioned above, selfish, but if you can do that, I believe you are well on your way to healing from any situation. It starts with feeling the feelings. Every negative situation comes with feelings. Instead of squashing these down, I rode them like the waves they were. I cried when I needed to. I yelled into a pillow. I wrote down all the sadness, the loneliness, the despair. I called, texted and visited my closest friends to vent my feelings. Bless their infinite patience with me.
I then reminded myself, every time I remembered to, that who I was had nothing to do with what others thought of me. I gave careful consideration to everything “he” had said was wrong with me. I then began practicing dismissing those judgements for the drivel they were, until eventually, I no longer had to practice.
I made a commitment to my health, mostly because that was something I was able to control. I began to make myself healthier meals. I took up running. I started to heal. I started to fall in love with myself again. With a little time, I, once again, began to feel worthy.
I’m not saying these steps “fixed” me! Little did I know how many challenges were still waiting ahead. What I’m saying is these steps were the first on an incredible journey of learning to heal myself, rather than waiting for someone else to come along and fix me, make me feel good about myself, give me the validation I thought I needed.
So back to the tattoo. After reading the book, contemplating the lessons within, striving to learn them and apply them to my life as best I could, I wanted to be able to remind myself of who I really am inside. And who you are. And who every single woman on earth is.
We don’t need validation from others. We don’t need our sense of worth to come from an outside source. We don’t need anyone fighting our battles for us. Everything we need to care for ourselves, all the bravery we need, is in our hearts, and in our minds.
We don’t need saving. We are warriors.
xoxo Nadine
