I would like to start out by saying that the following is never how I imagined writing about the topic of time and that’s why I’ve decided that is exactly the reason I should write this as opposed to something more serious. I’ve been doing a great many things outside of my comfort zone lately and the rewards have been pretty stellar.
I’ve recently started using the treadmill 5 days a week. You can add that to the greater list of things I never thought I’d put on paper or say out loud but here we are. I don’t run so much as speed-walk or lightly jog but I’m also fat and my joints are praising my good common sense, I’m sure. In the weeks that I’ve implemented this routine I’ve gone from spending about 20 minutes at a time on the treadmill to an hour per session. I don’t want to get too caught up on the times, though, because it’s been by ignoring standard units of time that I’ve been able to enjoy my workouts more and increase my endurance. No more clock/timer watching for me. Instead, I measure my progress in songs!
Now comes there part where I dissect, using time for your benefit, my favourite workout mix…
Note: I did not create this mix. I have youtube premium and simply listen to it via my library of downloaded videos.
0:00-3:00
First up, we’ve got Mr. Vain. I’m not telling you what to like and I’ll be the last person to claim I know what’s cool but the only thing this song motivates me to do is turn it off. For that reason, I always fast forward through it. I move forward to the 3-minute mark and this is where my workout begins.
3:00-18:30
There is lots of good, fun stuff in this stretch. There are decent beats, shouting about liking to “move it” and declarations of rhythm being a dancer. Rhythm may be but my moves on the treadmill at this point are probably more akin to a chicken hopping around a newly aerated lawn—no matter, though, I’m finding my groove by now and having a good time. It’s a good thing, too, because it’s just in time for me to learn that “It’s a Beautiful Life” and how can I argue now that my blood is starting to pump and my endorphins are flowing? After all, I’m so high on the endorphins that it practically feels like “I’m in heaven”.
18:30-22:42
This is where time really starts to matter. Have you charged up your flux capacitator? Have you remembered to take the parking brake off the tardis? I hope so, because you are currently in transition and you’re about to time travel. Suddenly, your joints are 25 years younger, you’re filled with teenage angst, and you’ve never felt so angry (and thrilled) to be alive because at 18:42 Kurt Cobain is your new running partner and he’s here to tell you that it’s perfectly natural to head bang while you jog (Note: it’s probably not at all okay from a safety/spinal health perspective so I’ve never done that—of course I have—and you shouldn’t either).
22:43-26:35
You’re going so fast now that you’ve left Kurt in the dust and you’re moving to the electronic beats and bloops. It’s all good. Kurt is always back there at 18:30 anytime you need him and, if you’re anything like me, you’re definitely going to need him again before this workout is over.
26:36-29:29
You’re going to hear about the “love in the music” but more importantly you’re going to be feeling the love for the music as the steel drums kick in and suddenly all this sweating isn’t about being on a treadmill but because you’re on some imagined island holiday. If you’re anything like me (completely out of shape and doughy) then you’re probably working up a real sweat by now and you’re possibly started to flag. It’s okay, though, because this workout mix has got your back! Just when you think your brain is starting to overheat the song gives you the basic instructions you need to push through at the 28:37 mark. “Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk”. You can do this…keep going!
29:29-40:33
Hold on tight now because we’re about to get slung back-and-forth through more decades than Scott Bakula in an episode of Quantum Leap (not to fear, though, your clothes will make the trip with you). We’re going to take a short tour through 2016 with DJ Snake until we reach the 32:42 mark and are suddenly catapulted back into the 80s. How did we get here? You might even say it’s a riddle (or Nik Kershaw might say that). All I know is that big hair is in and it’s a good thing because mine is definitely sweaty and wild by this point. Aaaaannnd, hold onto your hair because at 37:28 we’ve time warped to 2006 where The Red Hot Chili Peppers are waiting for you to feel that second wind whipping through your hair. You hear all that cheering at 39:44? That’s for you!
40:34-46:34
You haven’t forgotten what to do but even if you have, the Black Eyed Peas are here to remind you that you’re “Runnin’, runnin’”. That’s right, just give yourself up to the music and get it started in here because now you’ve reached 43:35 and you’re living the nightlife!
46:35-50:25
You’ve almost finished and they’ve saved the classic for last. Eye of the Tiger is here to bring you home. You’re rising up to the challenge of your rival and your rival is you. Push through!
You didn’t forget about Kurt, though, did you? This is where you go back to 18:30 and rejoin him on the trail. Where you go from there is entirely up to you, the way it always should have been, the way it always will be from now on.
Give this mix a try and let me know what you think! Do you have a favourite mix or song that you like to work out to? Please share it and I’ll be happy to check it out!
Practical Tip for Beginners:
If you start to feel that your breathing is shallow and it’s causing some tightness in your chest (AKA feeling “short of breath”), take 3 deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth but when you exhale do so with an audible “Ahhhhh” (like a heavy sigh). It will help get your diaphragm involved in the breathing process and deliver more oxygen to your blood stream. Should you know any Klingon, I suspect that forcefully whispering Klingon phrases is equally effective as well as intimidating. Might I suggest “largh rur teen qa’”.